Can we stop? Really?
I think that I have heard just about ENOUGH about The Watchmen's Dr. Manhattan and the fact that he's naked through a good portion of the movie.
We GET it already! He has a PENIS!
Newsflash! Most Men DO!! (yeah, i said MOST. Don't ask.)
I mean, come ON, it was a pretty damn good movie.
Critics, who know NOTHING, and fanboys far geekier than I will EVER be, may pan the movie for not being 102% true to the source material, but haven't they learned by now that NO movie EVER will be? Sin City and 300 are about as close as you get, and even they changed some stuff.
But really, is that ALL you have to say about the flick?
Nothing about the hazy moral grey areas in the minds of The Comedian, or Rorshach???
No views on how the public will turn on heroes at the drop of a hat of the media and/or government tell them to? Or how disturbingly true that is of real life as well?
Nite-Owl's own, um, penile issues
, even? Or maybe the giant sex scene in the Archimedes ship??
No? Anyone? anyone? Beuller?
Everything I've heard or read about the damn movie centered around, or prominently featured (pun) Dr. Manhattan's junk!!
Review by Rolling Stone? 3 separate mentions!
David Willis' ShortPacked
, which I love, even kinda went the cheap route with a mention:
Worst job in Hollywood/ Really?
Wait. Never mind the internet in general.
Repeat after me:
"IT'S JUST A DICK!"
The question I have is why is everyone making such a big deal outta that?
Oh, hang on. I think i may have the answer.
The "everybody" in question are prettymuch all straight guys, aren't they?
I forgot the "Straight Guy Rules" for a thing like this. My mistake.
Apparently, It's written somewhere in the giant book of testosterone poisoning that even so much as SEEING any penis other than one's own that isn't in some form of porn being stuffed into some semi-willing female instantly turns one GAY!
I'd like to apologize to you, beforehand, all you straight guys in
The continent of North America (yes, you're guilty too, Canada) and possibly the UK, who are open-minded and secure enough in your masculinity that this isn't an issue... yes, all 248 of you.
But, as bass ackwards as straight guys can be, the 'cure' for this little dilemma seems to be to KEEP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT IT TO THE POINT OF OBSESSION, which, in hetero guy logic, somehow makes you LESS gay.
Anywho, at LEAST some folks make it FUNNY.
but still... IT'S JUST A DICK
Now, I can understand the inferiority complex a guy would get... after all, for a good bit of his onscreen azure exhibitionism, Doc was about 66 feet tall, which, i surmise gave him, what, about like a YARD and a half of cock? No man can compete. Not even those porn stars who look like there's a baby armadillo in their pants.
but really, THINK about it from Doc's barely human perspective. You're powerful unto the point of a GAWD. Do ya really NEED pants?
I think that the good folks of the parallel universe 1985 (not to mention all the squeamish viewers) should be eternally greatful Ol' Doc didn't routinely decide to dance the hootchie-cootchie down 5th avenue at 60+ feet tall, shaking what his momma didn't
give him for the whole worlds (real and imaginary) to see... with WOOD!!
Please. Make Smurf jokes.
Talk about how Nite-Owl was supposed to be flabby and out of shape, but still had a better physique than YOU.
Talk about Silk Spectre I's um, issues
with what I can only surmise was self esteem and 'liking it rough (That smile at the end was kinda creepy).
Talk about The Silhoutte. Straight guys are overly obsessed with lesbians, right?
If you MUST be all stereotypically passive/aggressive homophobic, talk about Ozymandias' haircut, bitchy demeanor and penchant for purple suits!
Or, better yet, see if you can get a kick out of THIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT
But PLEEZE, for the love of all that is chocolate covered and deep fried, can we STOP TALKING ABOUT DR. MANHATTAN'S WANG like it's the AntiChrist, or something?IT'S JUST A DICK!!!